My top 5 tips to “de-should” and de-stress
If you’re feeling overwhelmed in life, you’re not alone.
Within the last three years, rates of overwhelm and burnout have been at an all-time high. Not surprising, I know. We have been through a lot. Plus, as women, moms, caregivers, professionals, partners, and wives, we tend to always put everyone else first. We kind of have to, right? To survive? To get through the week smoothly and keep morale high?
Our mental load is at capacity. The invisible list of everything we should do, the emotional labor of being the glue that holds everything together—it never ends. There is no clocking out; the responsibility is always there, even if it remains unseen by everyone else.
It is so hard to let go of the “should” mindset. I know this firsthand. But I have to tell you, those patterns will wear you down.
In this blog, we’ll explore my top five favorite ways to de-stress and de-should when you’re feeling overwhelmed in life.
Feeling overwhelmed in life? Shift your perspective
Recently a friend and I were talking about how hard it is to juggle raising a family, keeping nutritious food on the table, keeping up with a career, maintaining a social life…and everything else. I’m sure you can add a dozen other things to that list.
We reflected on our grandmothers and great-grandmothers who had many children, made nearly everything from scratch, and kept the house tidy without the help of the many modern marvels we have at our disposal today.
How did they do it? Well, for starters, life was far less complicated in many ways. There were no cell phones, no emails, and no pressure to show up to every social event on the calendar. Not to mention the media…how often do you compare your life to others on Facebook, Instagram, or reality TV? No need to feel sheepish about it—everyone does this! It’s called comparison culture and often results in a blunt to self-esteem.
It can lead to feeling the need to do more, to be better, to keep up with that picture-perfect image.
But it’s impossible to compete with that “perfect” image because it isn’t real.
So instead, shift your perspective.
Acknowledge how much you do and accomplish each day. Even little things that seem insignificant deserve praise. Then realize it is okay to say no to some of the “shoulds” on your list. You are already doing enough!
Feeling overwhelmed in life? Eat breakfast every day
When you wake up in the morning, your body has been fasting for 10-12 hours or maybe more, depending on when you ate your last meal. Your body is ready for nourishment.
Skipping breakfast leads to a dip in blood sugar which increases cortisol, your body’s primary stress hormone.
This can throw you off for the entire day and even affect your sleep that night. When you are feeling overwhelmed in life, this is truly the last thing you want.
Eating a balanced breakfast that contains protein, unrefined carbohydrates, and healthy fat reduces stress hormones and lets your body know that you are safe. When the body feels safe, it allows you to relax and escape from stress mode.
Most of us are stuck in stress mode all the time. It is difficult to get out of, especially when the mental list of “shoulds” begins piling up. Nourishing your body each morning with a balanced meal shifts you out of stress mode, laying the foundation for a less hectic day.
It sounds deceptively simple, but biochemically, it works.
Feeling overwhelmed in life? Eat the rainbow
Food has the unique ability to heal and protect the body. Colorful plant foods provide plentiful antioxidants and special plant compounds called polyphenols. Polyphenols have the power to fight inflammation and turn on genes that help prevent disease. And they protect your body from the harmful effects of stress.
Let’s use apples as an example: apples contain about 10 to 15 milligrams of the well-known antioxidant vitamin C, which is not very much compared to a cup of strawberries with about 100 milligrams of vitamin C.
However, the antioxidant power of apples is nearly 100 times higher, equivalent to 1500 milligrams of vitamin C! This magical antioxidant boost is provided by polyphenols.
Eating a rainbow each day can specifically help protect your brain from the adverse effects of stress. Diets high in polyphenols guard against anxiety and depression, and some studies show they can regenerate the neurons in your central nervous system (1).
All plant foods contain polyphenols, but a few have been selectively studied for their exceptional healing properties. Many of these are probably in your pantry! Turmeric, green tea, resveratrol (from red fruits and, yes, red wine), rosemary, and extra virgin olive oil are authentic superfoods for protecting your body from stress.
Try having a cup of organic green tea and a cup of colorful berries after lunch, drizzling all your veggies with extra virgin olive oil, and enjoying a nice glass of red wine if you feel so inclined.
Feeling overwhelmed in life? Ditch the 1200-calorie diet
Being on a low-calorie diet is so tempting when you are trying to ditch those extra pounds. But I’m going to let you in on a secret that all the trendy diet programs tend to omit: extreme calorie restriction is very stressful for your body. It can lead to trouble sleeping, intense cravings, and mood swings—things you might already be experiencing if you are feeling overwhelmed in life. Restricting your calories only adds fuel to the fire.
The average 45-year-old woman needs around 1500 calories a day just to survive. That is the number of calories burned if you were relaxing in bed all day. Add just a little physical activity, and that number bumps up. Add intentional exercise, and it increases significantly.
So instead of counting your calories, count your nutrients. Here are some goals to aim for:
Ensure you are consuming enough quality protein daily. The optimal amount is 1 to 1.2 grams per kilogram of body weight per day. And if you do any form of exercise, that number increases to 1.4 to 2 grams per kilogram of body weight per day.
Eat healthy fats with each meal. Fats like avocado, extra virgin olive oil, coconut oil/milk, and grass-fed butter and ghee provide essential vitamins and anti-inflammatory fatty acids. These are important to keep your energy balanced throughout the day and to keep your skin, hair, and heart healthy.
Enjoy unrefined carbohydrates like whole fruit, root vegetables, whole grains, and legumes. Your body may require more of these when you are under a lot of stress, and that’s ok. Try to steer clear of liquid forms of sugar like soda and sweet tea, and limit foods that contain more than five grams of added sugar per serving.
Feeling overwhelmed in life? Use movement to de-stress
Moving your body can be a wonderful way to relax, as long as you pick the right type of exercise for you and your current stress level.
Many types of physical activity can actually make stress worse. Anything that is very strenuous, like high-intensity interval training (HIIT), long-distance running, or vigorous cardio can do more harm than good when you’re feeling overwhelmed in life.
Do your best to find a type of movement that strengthens your muscles without making you feel like you are going to pass out from exhaustion.
Pilates is my personal favorite. Not only does it improve flexibility and strength, but it also helps reduce the physiological and physical effects of stress. Studies have shown that regular Pilates training can improve resilience to emotional stress and reduce feelings of hopelessness (2). It is also useful for lowering blood pressure and improving heart rate variability (3). When we are trying to de-stress, this is exactly what we need.
